sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
