I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
