i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
