The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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