Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
