Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
