i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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