I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
