I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
