Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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