I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
