There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
