Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
