Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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