she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
