This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize