he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
