I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Randomize
