Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
