I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize