Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize