I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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