i will never coherently bang her
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize