can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
