Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
