At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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