I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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