i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
