Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
