I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
