Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
