Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
