So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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