Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I am one with the molecules
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
