Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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