like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
