i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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