I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
When are your genitals available?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
