he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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