Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
