Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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