just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
