just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize