Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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