i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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