the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
