how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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