You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
