i think my mom watched the whole time
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
