tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
