woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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