We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
