How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
