Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
