so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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