You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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