just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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