While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize