My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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