youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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