You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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