Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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