I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
