careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
