We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
