it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
