I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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